..
08 August 2010......
is my worst day ever...!!! I went to Teck Whye to
watch Kuda Kepang. Kumpulan Sri Ulan. It is at 159 Jalan Teck Whye
Multi-Purpose Hall. The show starts at 12pm till 10pm
but it starts at 2.30pm. I reached there at 11.15am. I didn't notice
that Iqbal is there already so went i've arrived,
i went to salam everyone there then i saw him. Terus tersentak
seyy. Terdiam sekejap. I didn't salam him
because at first i don't know how to make the first move
to approach him. So i just sat at one corner lorr.
Then he come to me & ask me i come with who, then i salam
him. After that there is no more conversation
between me & him, at all. Consider that as our first
& the last conversation for the day.



..
All the way i sat at one corner, all alone. What
upset me most is when he passed by in front of me, he looked at me
but then he just turned & walked away, just like that.
I feel like crying but i force myself not to. Because
there is alot of people. I keep telling myself to be strong. He
didn't even sit near me or look at me. But
he can sit, talked & laughed with Sha-Sha. WTH siaaa...!!
I am who to him..?? He say that he still love me
but why is he doing this to me...?? It hurts me alot do you
know that, Iqbal..??!!



..
the saddest part is when his EX come. That is at 4plus pm.
Then at that time, it is time fer him to play the
show. So he is getting ready. While getting ready,
he showing signal to Sha-Sha that he know that his
ex is there. Then he see at me.
When he looked at me, i kidda act cool like nothing happen
but at the same time, i also got make faces but i make
it not so obvious. When he is playing the show, im
recording it. At that moment plak, his (Iqbal) ex were
standing exactly beside me. While i were recording it,
i only focus on Iqbal. Suddenly i heard his ex were asking
a guy beside her this,

Her : Ehk asl pompan nie asyik focus kat Iqbal uhh..??

The Guy : Ehk matae dier pe, biar lah.

Her : Huh..!! Matae dier..? Kiwak pecah pe.



..
After i heard her saying like that, i was pissed
but i keep telling myself to be cool & relax because
if i were to ask her what's her problem, sure she won't
be satisfied & fight will broke out. & plus
it is at Majlis orang seyy that's why i just be patience.
But deep down inside my heart, really can't deny it
i was so sad & im crying already. It hurts me
alot siaa. Really heartache/heartpain...!!!



..
after he is done & i already stop recording it,
i went to somewhere far from there, far
from everyone & that no one can see me at all.
I cried badly. I was super sad & pissed. Were asking myself
why is my life always SUCKS..??!! Im just
asking fer happiness yet there's is no one that can
give me. I didn't ask fer more. Having
Iqbal as my boyfriend, i thought
that he can make me happy & change my life but i
was wrong. He left me hanging without any assurance.
At first, during we just stead with each other, he were
very romantic. Everyday he showered me with joy & happiness.
He gave me all his love. But now..?? I don't know what
had happened so please don't ask me
why. Im not sure what goes wrong. Im just
so sad & down this lately.
Wondering when will all this going
to end. So sicked & tired of being left hanging.



..
The show suppose to end at 10pm but
i have no idea why did it end late at 10.30pm.
When the show ends, they were resting
awhile before clearing all the things & throwing the
rubbish. I salam all the elderly & Iqbal after
that i walked off heading to meet Melor
at Tampines. During my journey from Teck Whye to
Tampines, i plugged in my headset & listened to the
songs. While listening, i was dreaming
& thinking all alone till my eyes were watery
but i force to hold it back because there's
alot of people in the train. You guys won't
understand how & what i am feeling
this lately because you guys are not in my position.



..
while i were walking towards Melor block,
i already compose a message that i want to sent it
to Iqbal, but before i wanted to sent it, he already text
me first. Was shocked to received a message from him.
I thought that he don't wish to text or call
me anymore because during/at the Kuda Kepang,
he didn't talk to me, see me, sit near me
or stand near me. He treat me like a stranger siaa.
This is what our convo in the message :

*message convo*

Him : Hun i wanna sleep first. Besok pagi kalau you tak
malas boleh kejot kan me at 5am..? I don't want
you to keep awake, you must sleep tau.
Btw im sorry kalau me tak layan you sangat. I know
you must be wondering why i don't talk so much to you.
Jangan fikir pape isly (i still love you). Muah. Good night.

Me : Hmmm. Tak banyak talk to me you kate..? Langsung you
tak bobal ngn i lagi adelah. Ok lah ade lah kan yang
you bobal dengan i tapi itu pon you
setakat tanye i, i datang dengan sape, lepas tu
you da tak ade bertegur sape dengan i.
You buat i macam tembok yang you tak nampak
pon. You really didn't treat me like your girlfriend. Is this
what you say that you still love me. Da lah, forget it.
I don't wish to talk about this now. You
go to sleep aites. I will wake you up later, don't worry.

Me : I wanted to tell you about what i feel.

*dengan pantas nyer dier reply*

Him : Huh..??

Me : I just want you to know what i exactly
feel right now. Actually you don't have to say that
you still love me if the fact that actually you're not.
When i look at you just now/yesterday, i don't
see any love. Im begging you please
don't give me false hope.

Him : Hmm its difficult fer me to explain
now. I will tell you when we meet.

Me : Why must wait till we meet..? I don't
think there will be a next meet up fer us.
So just tell me now jer.

Him : Why you don't wanna meet me..? My bike
are giving me problem & im broke now. Im struggling
like hell. Pinjam sane sini. Got my problem to
settle first. Why don't you give me time.

Me : Isit because of your problem that's
why you treat me this way..? You left me hanging &
that hurts me alot. You don't know how hard
im trying to fight those feelings everyday.
Only tears that accompany me everynight. I keep saying NO
to myself when my mind ask me to leave
everything behind & move on. It hurts when your
mind said like that but your heart says NO.
ILYSM that's why i don't wish to leave
everything behind. But im not putting all the
blames on you.

Me : Its not that i can't give you time or
i don't understand you. But you didn't tell me
why you are reacting this way & im not
sure what goes wrong. I need assurance.
I apologise fer everything. You must be asleep
now & im sorry to disturb you. Nites. Sugar dream.

*end*

Then i've post something at my FB wall. It says
this, ''By giving ourself a time off, we will drift far apart
& we will silently lost contact, trust me. I don't wish
that to happen. Because that will only make things
become worst''.



..
Muhammad Iqbal Sahsah Bin Hamzah
what exactly is happening till you are treating
me this way..?? If you really love me, you
won't treat me this way. It hurts me alot. You won't
hurt the person that you love. So does this
mean that you didn't love me..?? Haixx.
Im totally out of words. So speeshless. I
will let my tears to talk. I hate to be left hanging
like this. No ones ever likes it either, believe me.
Woman needs the assurance. So please don't
say that you love me if the fact that
you don't. You give me hope but then you are
the one that brings it down back. Our planned about
nak pakai baju kurung sepasang tuu ntahh
jadi ke tidak. Hmm. Plan yang lain
seperti nak gi Fish Therapy & Prawing kat Bishan,
Fly Kite kat Marina Barrage tuu semue i
guess we can just luper kan ajelah. Da
totally tak ade harapan untuk tuu semue.
But well, still im trying my very best to save our
relationship in no matter what ways because
i love this relationship & i love you
the most. What i can salvage i will, that's
my promise. You can count on me.



..
Now that i've already give
you too much so im taking back
all those feelings, those love from you back.
Aida_Petite can't stand it any longer
& she is going to hit the sack soon
before she burst out into tears.
Nites readers.




*signing off*
aida_petite