..
Yesterday (20.07.2010)
i speak all the truth out to Boifey
truth about my feelings fer him, how i am feeling fer this past few days.
because the more i keep those
feeling to myself, the more i feel very damn down.
& i also dunno where did my mood
go this lately.
and Boifey keep pestering me to tell him the truth
as he sense that something is not right with me.
coz the way i talk to him
on the phone, my voice & my face is clear enough
showing him that im not ok.


..
After being forced by Boifey,
i vomit everything out.
he kidda shock & disagree with my choice.
I told him everything from A - Z
he sounds so sad when he gets to know it.

Me : B, can we start all over again...??
as in from friends back. Then after that we will see how it goes.

Boifey : But why..?? No..!! I don't want.
why must we start from back again..???
why must we be friends again...??
im attached to you already & i don't want us to start
from all over again.
Anyway, like how tuu start from all over again..??

Me : It means that we've to end this relationship
& we will just be friends first. Only then we will decide again
wheather to be in relationship or remain as friends.

Boifey : No..!! I tak nak. & i tak akan penah relakan
fer that to happen. I love you. I already
started to fall fer you deeply. You got someone new ehk..??
Or isit there's someone in the past that
came back to you..??

Me : No..!! I don't have anyone new or old.
no one besides you dear. It just that i felt that way.
coz i don't seem to understand why when i think
of you my heart will feel very pain. It truly hurts.
I love you too but sometimes i felt that it is wrong to
fall fer you deeply. I've realised this feelings
eversince love fer you runs deeper & deeper each day.

Boifey : Ok i trust you. But we don't have to end our relationship.
lets time off. Don't always contact. I will give you
some space/break fer you to relax your mind.

Me : No, don't..!! Coz by doing that, you'll
make my feelings fade away. I don't want those feelings to fade & gone.
No, please don't do that. Maybe i think too much.
i really need to compose myself because the fact is
i also don't wanna start from all over again. I just can't let you go.

Boifey : Ok lets discuss about this matter when we meet up.
we really need to talk about this & find a solution out
of this situation coz i can't bare to see you
in this way fer long. Its hurting me dear to see
you behaving like this.

Me : Hmm ok. Right now i feels like all walls are crashing in.

Boifey : Always remember that im here fer you.
do share with me if you have problems.
Don't ever face it yourself coz we will face it together.
we will make this through out of everything together dear.
be strong & patience to face this coz this is our test.

Me : But i don't think i can make it. Im so confused & im in dilemma now.

Boifey : You can make it. I know that you're strong girl.

Me : I will try but no promises. Im figuring out what's really
happening to me right now.

Boifey : Im always here fer you dear.


..
why is it that he don't want to end it..??
why the heck must i have these stoopid feelings..??
I hate this part right now.
*out of words*


..
Boifey deleted his Tagged account just fer me.
i did not ask him to delete it but he still delete it.
which i don't know why.
But i don't wanna ask him why because im just too afraid to
ask him as it is not that important anyway.


..
fer quite some time Mon did not online at MSN
but just now suddenly he is online.
Chatted with him as it has been quite sometime
that we didn't contact with each other.

Mon : I miss you girl. Sorry tak contact kau selalu.
im fucking shagg siaa, hari2 i work.

Me : I miss you too nyahh. I understand you dude.

Mon : Awwhh. Touch aku.

Me : Meet up soon aites..??


Mon : Yea yea. Oke syngg..!!
how you been doing with your boifey..??

Me : Hmm as per normal. How you know..??

Mon : Good. Yur FB my dear.

Me : Kau biler nak attach nie..??

Mon : Aku.. Nahh. Malas lah nyahh. Told you before kan.

*conversation ends due to network problem*


..
Kidda miss Roza very damn much siaa.
feel like hugging & kiss her when i meet her.
was so touched when she told me that
she bought me a small gift.
Must be a ring because she said that if it fits her it means
that it fits me too.
how sweet is that...??
Very sweet :))
although at that moment of time, we seldom contact
with each other & meet each other.
but she still bought a small gift fer me.
The thought that counts.
& i really appreciate the thoughts.
thanks dear Roza fer the sweet thoughts
I LOVE YOU LOADS..!!


*signing off*
(''v'') aida_petite (''v'')